I’m sitting in my kitchen somehow too exhausted to finish unpacking but yet with an inspiration to put into words what I’m feeling. I feel a restlessness to write. The light in the kitchen is dimmed and the rest of the house is dark. I can hear the freezing rain pouring down outside while the furnace occasionally starts up downstairs to keep the house warm.
I remember fourteen years ago promising myself that when I become a parent I would live in one place and never move. I would make sure my kids grew up with their friends and community. Yet, here I am unpacking again in a house with barren walls making it a home for us. I won’t even bother counting how many times I’ve been through this now. I am not ashamed, I’m proud of myself for not sticking to that promise. There is much I understand today that I never could have comprehended then.
I’ve actually gotten quite good at it, this constantly fluid life. I can skill fully create a home anywhere in record time. I know which rooms to start with, what items comfort us the most, what setup works best for us, which foods to stock up on. I moved in a few hours ago and I already feel my body slowing down as it always does when I mentally declare “we have arrived”.
There is a rest we only find, we only feel, when home. We go on long trips and don’t break a sweat but as soon as we get home our body gives in. All the tiredness just hits us at once. Our body breathes. We are home.
A few hours ago I was sitting in another living room examining the empty walls. They were covered with art. I looked at the fireplace mantel that was stacked with books on either side. I looked at the kitchen counter where our coffee machine sat with accompanying snacks. I looked at the corner of the living room where my kids setup their toys. Empty. I was standing in a structure that for months we had filled with life. I felt somewhat sad for the house.
I’m in no way saying this lifestyle is easy or chosen for the matter. We take what we get and make the most of it. But it has prepared me for a new way of thinking where I’m not too attached to one place or one thing. I know that I carry within me the power to create and re-create a home for us. It’s not always easy to settle-in again, but together we do it.
I am constantly reminded that we are but visitors on this Earth. That our lives are short and we have no guarantees. That it’s in our power to take advantage of what is thrown at us and make something of it.
In the name of God we begin.
***
The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler/wayfarer.”
(Bukhari: 6416)
عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرْ رضي الله عَنْهُمَا قَالَ : أَخَذَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِمَنْكِبَيَّ فَقَالَ : كُنْ فِي الدُّنْيَا كَأَنَّكَ غَرِيْبٌ أَوْ عَابِرُ سَبِيْلٍ. [رواه البخاري]
Khadija Ali ••• خديجة علي 